Her heart thaws
by Scarlet-Passion
Summary: Her career is a success. She loves her husband. Her daughter is beautiful. Yet, she still lingers on the past. She still thinks about him...


_I do not own Charmed._

Her career is a success. She loves her husband. Her daughter is beautiful.

Coop is safe and stable. He's romantic enough to keep up with Phoebe and still shock her all at the same time. He's tender and sweet. God knows that when they unite in their passionate nights, their souls unite as one.

They may have only married after a few months, but time is _nothing_ compared to true love.

But that is not the only relationship Phoebe had before.

Only one other man in her life could've competed with Coop. Jason came pretty close. Drake, though her time with him was short and sweet, had the same dangerous, passionate taste (but that's probably because he was _also_ a demon).

But if Phoebe had to pick the _one_ person that could compete with the intensity of love she feels for Coop, it would have to be Cole.

Truthfully, she is free of him. He's gone and there's no point in dwelling on it.

But she does dwell. Only once in a while when she is alone. She will be sitting in her office at the Bay Mirror and while thinking of advice, her mind will wander. Her mind will go to a time when she was still so new to magic and she still naively thought that there are shades of gray between good and evil.

Like when she first saw 'Cole Turner: Assistant DA'. He came over, asking about the crime and she noticed right away how _hot _he was.

She can still remember the jolt of excitement that ran through her when Prue—infected by empathic powers—sensed his love for her. She can still remember her own blossoming love for the lawyer she didn't know was demonic when she knocked on his door and devoured his mouth with hers. For a moment, she could feel his hesitation; she shrugged it off as merely shock. Then he melted into her, kissing her back.

That's when she knew the deal was sealed.

Phoebe looks out the window, watching the sunlight flow in through the window. It reminds her of when he went undercover for her and her sisters, just a couple of weeks before Prue died. She had been waiting so long for him; she was almost convinced he was dead or _worse. _That thought terrified her.

The sun had been shining in through her bedroom window as she sat in front of her mirror. He shimmered in behind her and when she looked up, there he was, standing behind her. She turned around to make sure he was real because with the amount of concern she felt, she wouldn't have been surprised if she was just hallucinating.

But he was there.

She stood up quickly and they walked right up to each other. He took her into his embrace and greeted her with the most passionate, delicious kiss she had ever felt in her life. She floured his face with sweet, relieved kisses as he kissed her neck. She moved up to his cheekbones as he murmured, "I missed you so much."

She didn't show it, but when he said that, it shocked her. It shocked her into knowing that no matter how much the darkness called to him, he would always be hers.

She replied, "I missed you too."

They stood there for a second, pressed against each other, relieved that they had the other in their arms again. She nuzzled his face one more time before they moved on to the business of importance at the time.

She blinks when the memory ends and she rubs her hand across her cheek, knowing a tear has escaped her eye.

She remembers the tears she shed when she vanquished him when he was the source. The way he said to her, "I will always love you"… it hit her right to the core. Her mouth did the talking but her soul was screaming. It was screaming because the man she had been with for almost two years would be killed by her hand.

And she succeeded.

The baby he left her after his death was not something Phoebe hated. That child, despite all the evil he accumulated from being the _source's _child, had something that would have redeemed him.

That baby, if he had been born, would have been very much like his father. With all the darkness inside him, he would've been considered as dark as Cole—maybe even worse. But he showed love from the start. When people would insult his father, he attacked them. He channeled his powers through Phoebe to destroy those who sullied his father's name.

In the process, he was killing his mother. But that's only because the abilities inside of him were evil and he was too young to understand that he could use those powers for good. From the start, there was no way this child would've lived to see the sunlight that now warms Phoebe's face in her office.

But if he _had _lived… if he _had _shown Phoebe mercy… his name would've been Benjamin Victor Halliwell-Turner. Benjamin for Cole's father. Victor for Phoebe's father.

Phoebe had picked out the name the moment she realized she was pregnant.

She also knew how he would've turned out: dangerous and for all intents and purposes, evil. But the love in which he was conceived—dark marriage or not—would be infused into his soul. He would fight it, just like his father. Being the source, it would've seemed easy for him.

But he would still feel love for his father, his mother. His aunts and uncle. His siblings, his cousins. Even his dead grandfather.

But his humanity, his _real _love would only arise when he met the one who he would give up _everything_ for, just as his father did.

In short, he would be _exactly _like Cole.

And even though it has been over five years since she lost that demon spawn, she still considers him her son. His soul lingers somewhere in limbo, she's sure (and she is also sure he had a soul). And when she finally dies the _right_ way, she will welcome her son with open arms.

When Cole was resurrected from the wasteland, she was shocked he didn't care that their child was gone. But then again, he probably didn't have the same emotional attachment to it like Phoebe did (after all, Cole was fully aware that the boy was evil).

Maybe that's why it was easier for her to resent him. That along with all the murders and evil he committed, vanquishing him was a no-brainer. She didn't technically do it in _this _reality, but she did it all the same.

It is only now, six years later, that she remembers him in a good light. She remembers his charming smile that won her over and the bright look in his eyes when she inadvertently did something that reminded him _why_ he loved her. She remembers everything about him, yet his face seems so blurry.

She tries to remember, but her conscience kicks her in the ass, reminding her she has moved on from him. But whether she likes it or not, Cole left a _giant_ mark on her.

He was not as true as her husband, nor as transient as her boyfriends. Cole was her lover, her one and only; their relationship was passionate and powerful, yet dangerous and doomed from the start. But she loved him.

And it is only now that she realizes that she still does.

But, as she said on the coast of the pacific, it's over between them. And she knows that.

But she can still feel him. She knows Cole is walking around in a void between life and death. Piper told her that back in 2005, when Cole had helped Piper recover _and _bring back Leo. She didn't show it, but she felt hope—not for their love, but for his redemption.

That's when the ice in her heart she felt for Cole started to melt.

And this is where it finally thaws out.

Cole can see it happening to Phoebe right in front of him. But in his time as a ghost-thing between life and death, he learned the one word that defines _pure _love: selflessness. In his final weeks in the living plain, he did nothing for Phoebe but show how selfish he can be. Damn it, he _hit _her.

And he can't watch her slip back to the scum that he is. So he touches that thin, yet amazingly strong veil that separates him from the living and whispers to her, "Let me go."

The words slide across her face like the wind and though she doesn't hear them physically, her heart and soul hear the words as clear as a bell. She looks away from the window, reminding herself that Coop is her true love, and that is that. The longing she felt seconds before vanishes instantly and she returns to her work, rushing as fast as she can so she can return to her loving husband and beautiful baby girl.

And Cole watches her, his heart breaking all over again, shedding the tears that she almost spilled thinking about him—and that he stopped before she could.


End file.
